A Beautiful Death


It’s still hard to believe that I can take day trips to places like this.

My wife and I used to save vacation time so that we could travel to places where Fall matters. Los Angeles doesn’t provide much along those lines, so visiting Pennsylvania and Maine in October was an exotic treat, the highlight of the year.

Thanks to our move to Northern Arizona, that is no longer necessary. We now live among impressive Fall colors in our own town – even in our own yard – and we can drive less than two hours to see truly brilliant displays of God’s artistry.

img_0355Last Friday was one of those opportunities. The leaves are turning in the San Francisco Peaks north of Flagstaff (or, as we cool Arizonans call it, “Flag”). The bright gold of the aspen leaves stood in vivid contrast to the green pines and the blue sky. As my daughter and I soaked up the beauty, I couldn’t stop smiling. This is only our second autumn in Arizona, and we love it this year as much as last year.

Strolling across this stunning canvas, we tend to avoid the reality of what we see. To put it bluntly, the leaves are dying. Soon they will fall to the ground (hence the name of the season), creating a carpet of fading color, and will decompose into the soil to fertilize the trees and ferns for next year.

Yes, the leaves are dying. But it is a beautiful death.

That phrase came to mind the next morning, when I spoke at a memorial service for Carla, a wonderful lady in our church who had died of cancer last month. Her family and friends took turns sharing memories of her life. Several of us, including her husband and son, read excerpts from a letter that she wrote before she died, a letter full of faith, and hope, and love. Her faith was in Christ, her hope of eternal life came from Him, and she deeply loved her Lord, her family and her friends. They all loved her back.

I’ve sat beside enough deathbeds, including hers, to see how ugly death is. It is a monstrosity, an abomination, a violation of all that should be. I hate it, and I always will. I look forward to the day death will die.

But a death like hers has something different about it. She knew where she was going, and eagerly looked forward to the welcome she would receive. She asked in her letter that her service be a celebration of her life, because she would not be dead. Not really. In her words, Carla was going to “hot-foot it straight to heaven!” We all knew that she did, and we wondered what her new life was like.

Is it possible to refer to a death like hers as “beautiful?” I admit that the word catches in my throat a little. But I’m encouraged by God’s perspective on the question, revealed in Psalm 116:15 – “Precious in the sight of God is the death of His godly ones.”

You can call it precious, or you can call it, in its own way, beautiful. Either way, I’m glad that this is the kind of death that is waiting for me. I’m glad that, thanks to Jesus, my death will be no more than a door from one kind of life to another; a death that exchanges a lesser life for a better one; a death that takes me home.

I want that confidence to change my life. I want to remember that the autumn of my life, when it comes, will lead not to winter, but to Spring.

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Am I the Leader of the Forest?

In retrospect, I probably looked a little “Paul Bunyanesque” from his perspective. So while it was understandable, his unexpected question still surprised me. And it made me think.

I was enjoying a Poncho Hike last Saturday in the mountains above Flagstaff. My favorite trail was even more beautiful in the rain. The lush alpine meadows, generously watered for weeks by the Arizona monsoons, were sprinkled with wildflowers. The dripping aspen groves were majestic. It was a rich time of worship and rest.

IMG_2320The weather had cleared a little as I headed back to the trailhead, and I no longer had the mountain to myself. Clad in my dark green poncho and muddy boots, carrying a tall wooden walking stick, I stepped off the soggy trail as two ladies and a little blonde-haired boy approached. He looked wonderingly at this tall green stranger, and with a slight speech impediment that made it all the cuter, he boldly asked me this question: “Ah you da Leadah of da fowest?”

I often have what the French call l’esprit d’escalier, or a “staircase wit.” It means you think of something too late to say it, as you descend the staircase from your friend’s house. Maybe because I was so fully “in the moment,” enjoying my walk with God, a response came quickly to mind in this case. Here is how I responded to this little boy:

“No, I’m not the leader of the forest. I just enjoy it. God is the leader of the forest, and I come here to spend time with Him.”

None of three seemed especially taken by my response, but it made a huge impact on me. As I walked on, I spent some time meditating on what I had said so spontaneously.

I’m glad I’m not the leader of the forest. I’m glad that I’m not in charge of the meadows and canyons, the pine trees and the mountains, the aspen groves and the wildflowers. If I were responsible for it all, I couldn’t find rest there. And it would be nowhere near as beautiful as it is.

I rest there, because God is indeed the leader of the forest. He created it, He sustains it, and I am free to walk through His masterpiece and enjoy His creativity. It demands nothing of me as it fills my heart with thoughts of Him. I leave boot prints among His fingerprints.

Those thoughts amplified my rest as I headed back to the car. But they also challenged me.

God is in charge of a lot more than the forest. He rules over my entire life. My family, my health, my ministry, my finances, my present, my future, my salvation, are all ultimately in His hands. Although I have roles to play in all of these areas, sometimes very significant roles, He is the ultimate leader in all of them.

In his wonderful book The Rest of God, Mark Buchanan points out that a Sabbath heart is necessary in order to fully benefit from a Sabbath day. And a Sabbath heart enthusiastically embraces this idea: God is God, and I’m not. I can rest, because I know He won’t. The Psalmist put it this way: “He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper” (Psalm 121:3-5).

I’m committed to seeing the fingerprints of God on my day-to-day life as much as I see them in nature. I want to constantly celebrate His kind presence, His beautiful creativity, and His vigilant protection. I want my moments of Sabbath in nature to build my ability to rest in Him every day of the week, confident that He is my ever-alert keeper.

In my life I want rest to be normal, not exceptional – because He is the leader of much more than the forest.

So thanks, little guy. It was a better question than I knew at the time. Not only am I not Paul Bunyan, I’m also not God.  I’m grateful for the reminder.

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White Dots on Granite


Without the white dots, I’m not sure what I would have done.

My Sabbath Hike yesterday took me through a section of our local geography that we call The Dells, an impressive region of granite outcroppings northeast of our town. The trail around Watson Lake crosses through this beautiful and challenging scenery – my mind and heart remember the beautiful part, and my sore legs today remind me of the challenging part.

E78C9B42-7FD9-44BB-A35B-0FE8E57DA3B0The trail pretty much disappears when it reaches these granite boulders, and you could wander for hours in and out of the canyons. Fortunately, someone took pity on hikers and marked the trail with small dots of white spray paint. If they could speak, they would say, “This is the right path. Walk this way. Follow us.” I was grateful for that anonymous guide, glad that someone had found a productive rather than destructive use for spray paint in a natural setting. I trusted the dots.

My appreciation for those directions made me think of one of the boldest statements ever made by the Apostle Paul. In a letter to a group of somewhat immature Christ-followers in Greece, he said to them, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Think about that for a minute. Paul was laying down a series of white dots. He said to his friends (and to some who would not have considered themselves his friends), “Follow me. Be imitators of me. Take the path that I have taken, live your life the way I am living mine. It will be the right path, because I am following Jesus. In following me, you will follow Him.”

This is a far cry from what often seems to be the theme of our generation: “Don’t follow me. I’m lost.” In our attempts to be self-effacing, outwardly humble (though often inwardly proud, hoping people will notice how humble we are), we are quick to point out our own failures and inadequacies. I understand that, and there is a place for that kind of honesty, when it is authentic. Real people want to follow real people.

But Paul reminds us that there is also a place for confidence. There is a place for bold leadership, even when it rubs up against audacity. There is a place for those who say “I know the way, not because I’m smart, but because Jesus is. Here is what it looks like to follow Him.”

“Here are the white dots. Walk this way. Follow me, as I follow Christ.”

You may not feel like a leader, but I can almost guarantee you that someone in your life sees you as an example. Someone is looking to YOU to show them the way. Don’t shrink from that God-given role. Embrace it as an honor. You have an opportunity to exercise influence that will lead to their good, and to God’s glory. It’s OK to lead.

And yes, be open and honest about your own wrong turns. Share freely what you have learned along the way.

But then get out your can of spray paint, and boldly lay down a series of white dots that lead to Jesus.

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When the Path is Steep

What a difference a week makes.

My Sabbath Hike last weekend was delightfully easy. It was nine miles of strolling across a flat mesa east of Flagstaff, with plenty of shade and cool breezes – not much of a physical challenge at all, but lots of good prayer time.

FullSizeRenderTwo days ago, on Mingus Mountain east of our town, it was … well, let’s just say it was “more hike than Sabbath.” I should have seen it coming – on the topographical map that I was following (see the pic), the closer the lines, the steeper the slope. And if that weren’t enough, you would think the presence of a Hang Glider Launch would have made me realize that there was a cliff involved. But by the time I had completed the loop out Trail 105 and back on Trail 106, I had descended and then climbed over 1500 feet in seven miles in the hot sun, and I was a wreck. My prayer over the final two miles was limited to “Lord, how much further?”

I can’t say that the time I spent with God on that hike was particularly intimate or inspiring. But it did give me the chance to reflect on some principles to follow when the path is steep.

Steep paths come in many forms. I’ve walked several of them, and you probably have as well. Grief is a steep path. Illness is a steep path. Job problems, relational issues, financial stress, all create challenges as we walk through them. I did come away from this hard hike with some ideas for how I hope to walk those hard paths in the future.

  • Rest more
    I didn’t need to rest on the mesa, but failure to rest on the mountain might have been tragic. I’ve learned that busy-ness is one of the traps of the steep paths in my life. It seems like there is so much to do that I don’t have time to let down. But in reality, the level of activity in such moments is often more frantic than productive. Now that I know the importance of the rest that Jesus promises in Matthew 11:28, I hope to discipline myself to seek it even when my life is hard. ESPECIALLY when my life is hard.
  • Hydrate more
    An easy hike makes very little dent in my camelback water reservoir, but I drank most of it on the mountain. I needed it. In the same way, I need the refreshment of God’s word on hard days, but for some reason that commitment is often the first to go. Like the failure to rest, my failure to refresh myself in the green pastures and still waters of Psalm 23 makes those days even more difficult. I hope I’ve learned to cling to that commitment on the steep paths.
  • Lean more
    I barely needed my walking stick on the mesa – in fact, it was perched on my shoulder part of the time. But it was a crucial tool on the mountain. It saved me from several faceplants as rocks turned under my feet or my boots slid on steep gravel. It became my support when I stopped for a breather. Proverbs 3 warns me to not lean on my own understanding, and the writer of Psalm 71 says that he leaned on God from before his birth. I want to take those ideas to heart when my path is steep, leaning on God and what I know to be true of Him.

I’m glad that the pain of that hike (yes, there was/is pain) wasn’t totally wasted, and I hope that by writing down these ideas, I’ll be more likely to live by them.

And I’m glad that God speaks through the steep paths too. Because life is not always a shady mesa.

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God’s Plan is Right on Track

I needed that international trip more than I realized. It was refreshing in ways that I didn’t expect. And it reminded me that the global church of Jesus Christ is thriving, that God’s plan to bring good news to the nations is moving ahead right on schedule.

It began in Kenya, where my partner Dan had invited me to help train Maasai pastors to better understand and preach the Bible. It continued in Jordan, where we visited two families involved in ministry to refugees. And it ended in the Czech Republic, with a visit to a young family bringing the gospel to teenagers in that former Communist country.

Several experiences during those two weeks reassured me that God’s program is right on track:

  • The Maasai pastors in Kenya have a deep thirst for God’s Word, and are eager to teach it and preach it in the way it was written. They faithfully attend three of these 4-day conferences every year, at great expense in time and energy, and pass on what they learned to other pastors in their area. It was an honor to work with them.
  • In Jordan we enjoyed a worship service in Arabic, praising God in a language that is often used for tragically different purposes. We witnessed compassion for the neediest of all, seeing the love of Christ shown in practical and tangible ways to people who fled their homes with only the clothes on their backs. We sat among people who had lost everything, but found Christ, and would gladly do it all over again because the result is far more valuable than the cost. It was humbling to be with them.
  • In Prague, my guide from the airport to the train station was a young Czech man who had met Christ several years ago through a camp ministry that included people from my former church, and which is also a focus of my current church. He was an atheist when he attended the camp for the first time, but he said to me with a smile, “I am a Christ-follower because of that camp. I’m nobody famous, but I am a Christian, and it’s important for you to know how it happened.” It was exciting to spend time with him.

IMG_1466The two weeks went quickly, and I don’t think I really celebrated what I had seen until this last Monday, when I squeezed in a much-needed Sabbath hike (alongside this beautiful lake) and took time to reflect on the trip. The second song to come out of my play list was “Let the Worshippers Arise,” by Phillips, Craig and Dean (listen to it here). I ran it back three times because the words of the second verse were so perfect, and I sang it louder each time:

“Father I hear it growing louder, the song of your redeemed,
As the saints of every nation are awakening to sing.
From our hearts there comes an anthem. Oh, hear the heavens ring!
This is our song, a song to our King!”

On this trip, I heard that song growing louder. I sat with the saints of several nations, and from our hearts came an anthem. We sang it in different languages, but with the same joy. It was a song to our King.

I can’t wait to do it all again!

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Insights from the Empty Nest

When I became a dad, everyone told me that I would come to understand God in new ways, that fatherhood would provide fresh perspective on how He relates to us as our Heavenly Father. They were right, and our child-raising years were rich with spiritual insight, some learned through laughter, some learned through tears.

But no one told me that the empty nest would bring similar experiences. These have come unexpectedly, and they are delightful.

Our first daughter Amy is a wife, a mother of two adorable little boys (objective fact, not just my opinion, ask anybody), and a much-loved High School French teacher. We moved away from her and her family last year when we moved to Arizona, by far the most painful downside of that decision. We dreaded the inevitable loss of contact with her.

That’s why we’re glad that she has developed the habit of calling one of us on her way to and from work. I tend to be her morning call, since I am up and about at that hour, and my wife Murf usually receives her evening call. There generally aren’t a lot of huge issues to talk about. She just wants to keep in touch. I love that.

And it makes me aware of the joy that it gives my heavenly Father when I make prayer an intentional part of my life. Even when there aren’t lots of earth-shattering issues to talk about, it matters when I turn to Him. As the perfect Father, why wouldn’t He take pleasure in hearing from me?

Our youngest daughter Minnie is putting her tender heart and warm smile to good use as a social worker in Spokane. She came to visit last week, in the midst of a fairly hectic season in her life. As we drove to pick her up at the airport in Phoenix, my wife said, “I can’t wait to hear her sigh and relax.” Sure enough, moments after she climbed into the car and finished the small talk about her flight, she leaned her head back on the seat and let out a huge sigh of relaxation. We were her oasis, a safe place of rest and refreshment, a role that gave me a surprisingly powerful sense of satisfaction. I still smile when I think about it.

IMG_1349That moment came to mind as I strolled through snowy aspen groves on a Sabbath hike above Flagstaff two days ago. I had preached and taught five times in the previous two days, had another Bible Study that night, and was preparing to leave tomorrow for a two-week international ministry trip to three continents. That relaxing, refreshing time with God was an oasis in a hectic season of my life. And as I enjoyed it, as I enjoyed Him, I had a sense that He was taking pleasure in providing those moments for me. Why wouldn’t He?

In this season of empty-nest parenting, I have a fresh understanding of the picture of God provided to Israel by the prophet Zechariah: “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing” (3:17).

I am so glad that I have that kind of Father. I’m glad that He rejoices over me, that He quiets me when I need it, that He sings over me. Those ideas boggle my mind, but they are true.

My girls give me joy. I’m glad that I can do the same for Him.

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The Fourth Quarter is Ours

My gray hair saved me 79 cents on a bagel sandwich the other day. Yay.

At 57 years old, I don’t yet qualify for the senior discount at Einstein’s Bagels. I thanked the 20-something cashier for including it without me asking for it. He responded with double-edged graciousness: “Well, I saw all the gray hair, figured you’d had a hard life, and thought you could use a break.” I was grateful – kinda.

I was smiling about that interaction a few days later, when I decided to do the math to see just how far I am into life. I have to admit that the results gave me pause. Since the lifespan of the average American male is 76 years, I am exactly three quarters of the way from the cradle to the grave.

How’s that for a sobering thought? I’ve already spent 75% of the time I can expect to live on this planet. My earthly past is three times larger than my earthly future. For a few minutes, those were the thoughts that filled my mind.

wpid-686c4d264195b117fb0e6a706700c43cBut then a picture from the sports world came to me – I’m headed into the fourth quarter. Any football fan knows how important that is. The game is won or lost in the fourth quarter. The first three quarters simply set the stage for the most important of the four. Many teams and fans hold up four fingers heading into that quarter, as a kind of rallying cry and reminder: “The fourth quarter is ours!” Teams that own the fourth quarter tend to win the game.

Inspired by that thought, I’ve made some commitments as I head into the fourth quarter of my life. If these apply to you, I invite you to consider them – feel free to embrace the ones you like. You are welcome to add others in the comment section if you wish.

  • I will cultivate an intimate walk with God all the way to the finish line – whenever that comes. Jesus Christ has given me something priceless in bringing me to my Heavenly Father and filling me with the Holy Spirit. I will not allow that relationship to grow stale. I know it can happen, but I also know it can be avoided. The discipline of Sabbath rest has added new depth and joy to my walk, and I commend it to you if you are sensing the need for something fresh – you can browse this blog, or check out the summary posts here and here. There are plenty of ways to avoid the stifling danger of spiritual routine, and I encourage you to search until you find one that works for you.
  • I will remain as physically active as my health allows. I know that we often slow down because our bodies break down. But in some cases, our bodies break down because we slow down. A commitment to healthy exercise can change the last quarter. I’m committed to staying as active as possible. The health benefits are obvious – and I’m a little embarrassed to admit how fun it is to pass people half my age on an uphill hike!
  • I will invest time and energy in the next generation of church leadership. Studies show that the millennial generation is eager to get to know those of us who have a little more mileage on the odometer, and I have seen that to be true. They welcome the discipleship process that Paul describes in 2 Timothy 2:2. I am committed to spending regular, intentional time with at least three young leaders every year. It’s an investment in the future, and brings great joy in the present.
  • I will stay out of the way of the next generation of church leadership. Every generation seems to want to impose its preferences on the next one. There are stands worth taking, but they are far fewer than we think. Most of the conflicts with younger generations revolve around personal preference, and I won’t die on those hills. These people need to lead in the way they see fit. I’m glad to help, but sometimes the best way to help is to make room for new leaders to serve in their own way. It’s what I wanted others to do for me 30 years ago, and many did. Now it’s my turn.

I’m excited about this next season. I have no idea what it will look like, but I’m eager to see what happens. After all, this is where the game is won or lost.

Hold those fingers high, team. The fourth quarter is ours!

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